What if Doritos Required a Prior Authorization?

I’ll give you a little break from clinical content and share with you a little satire.  I’m as guilty as anyone when it comes to those delicious salty treats.  Sweets and chocolate are good, but I can usually stop myself.  I’ve still got some time left on this earth to explore, but I haven’t found a chip that I did not like.  I know they are not that good for me, so I do my best to try to avoid them and find alternatives that might be a little healthier.

My colleague recently wrote this nice piece on prior authorizations.  His was specific to lidocaine patches and how to handle this challenge.  The mind works in mysterious ways and it really got me thinking, what if your favorite guilty pleasure was $200 unless you received a prior authorization?  My guess is we would all be a lot healthier (or all be very poor).

So here’s how my prior authorization would go:

  • Do you have a diagnosis of Doritos deficiency?
  • If you like the color orange, have you thought about eating an orange?
  • When did you purchase your last bag of Doritos?
    • Was it the family size?
    • Are you fingers orange right now?
  • What is your blood pressure?
  • Have you ever eaten an entire bag within a 24 hour period?
  • Have you failed off of or have an allergic reaction or intolerance to the following delicious snacks:
    • Carrots
    • Broccoli
    • Baby Tomatoes
    • Asparagus
    • Celery
    • Apples
    • Bananas

I hope thinking about this post will help you smile instead of cringe the next time you hear the words “prior authorization”.

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Written By Eric Christianson

August 14, 2016

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